Johnny Cash

Here is another old story for you. 

Just because this should be blogged about . . .

Remember after you read it you can shake your head like an etch-a-sketch and it will clean the memory from your brain.  (Aren't you glad I told you that?  Because I'm sure this is one that you will want to shake right out of your head!!!)

Meet Johnny Cash~  Not the real one.

I had been talking with this fella for a while . . .  (As I always do before I go out with someone.)  And he seemed nice enough, not really my "Type" if you figure I have a type . . . (Which I don't really think I do, I date anyone who seems nice . . .  Who makes me laugh . . . who can carry on an intelligent conversation . . ..  And apparently from my track record, who is BAT SHIT CRAZY!!!!

So Johnny Cash and I meet at this restaurant on the other side of town, he was traveling quite a bit to meet me so I go meet him in Denver over by my sweet Auntie's house.  Which is within my comfort zone . . .  other wise I would have made him come all the way to me in my town.

He tells me this Mexican place has the best margaritas and we should go there.

That's fine.  I love a good margarita.   (But he was wrong, it wasn't "The best", the restaurant my friend 2.0 owns has THE BEST margaritas)

So we arrange a time, and I show up, and here is this guy, with tattoos of woman (you know like the pin up girl kind)  all over his arms . . . and his hair is "Dip dyed" black, and he is wearing all black  . . . and he looks like his picture was from his early twenties not his 40's . . . and I'm thinking  . . . hummm.  Well, maybe he can sing to me, since he looks like Johnny Cash.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1BJfDvSITY

We have a drink and some interesting conversations . . . but no big spark for either of us.   I think like a lot of men they look at my pictures and expect a bad girl . . . but like I've said before, I'm like Jessica Rabbit, "I'm not bad I'm just drawn this way."

And for me, there was no "turn on" with him . . . I have to say the "dip dyed" black hair was totally off putting to me . . . 

I hugged him goodbye, because we had had a pleasant lunch . . . just no dating sparks.

So I never expected to hear from him again.

No big loss to me . . . 

Men are a dime a dozen . . .

A few days pass, I'm  surprised to get a ping from him that he wants to instant message, and he asks me if I "CAM"  (Kind of like Skype, but old school.)  I say no.  But I get a ping that he is sending a video chat, and that I can just respond via typing. 

Ok.

So all of a sudden I have PICTURE . . . and here is this man NAKED from the waist down . . . (Actually I can't even see his face in the picture.)

And he starts touching himself.

This is like a car accident, I can't look away . . . My eyes!!  Where is the BLEACH!?!?!?  Oh no . . . Turn your head RED, LOOK AWAY!  But I can't . . .  I just can't look away . . . it's like I'm being sucked in to the vortex of hell!  I'm going to have this image burned in to the back of my skull!!  Look away RED!!!  Try!!  But I can't . . .  

If, and I do mean if, I wanted to see something like that, (Which I don't, HE WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN THE ONE TO SHOW IT TO ME!!!)

And he is getting more and more excited . . .

Then I guess so I can see better . . . he puts his leg up on the desk chair.  Or maybe it was a comfort thing . . . I don't know . . . because I have never witnessed anything like this on my computer . . .

And then SPLAT!!!  EEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!

Apparently he composed himself then he comes back on the screen, and says, "What did you think?"

Me being the smart ass I am, I said, "What???  No cuddle???"  And then, I said I hope you have a steam cleaner for your chair and carpet. .. . 

What in his mind made him think after our lunch and then not talking again that it was ok to CAM me, him . . .  (Hummmmmm   the word choices . . . I'm working hard at not coming up with a set of words that will be  . . . distasteful.) "Should have been an alone, passion filled moment, not one shared on the computer." (Not really my style, no amount of flowery words can make this seem better, so in typical RED fashion, if it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then its probably a duck, or  in other words a man "jacking off") 

And then I blocked him . . .

Ok ladies all together now . . . shake your head as hard as you can and clear the etch-a-sketch in your head!  And you never have to think of Johnny Cash again.

But I bet after reading this, you will never look at the REAL Johnny Cash again in the same way!!!